Customer service asked us to give you the latest update on the technical difficulties we’ve been experiencing lately. Apparentely the reason for the temporary break down is the accidental escape one of IT’s caged hamsters, called ‘Major Linux’. After the executive vice president Mark Burton – who is keen on enchilada’s – had releaved himself, he discovered Major Linux in one of the toilet bowls. Due to the state the animal was in, and fearing blockades by animal rights activists, the Executive CEO of Worldwide Sales decided on a cover-up operation, and tried to flush. As he was rather large due to being fed Mars bars on a daily base by the nerds from programmation, Major Linux subsequently got stuck in the the sewage system. Over the following few days the deceased rodent’s organic fumes set off a chain reaction in the Mexican-bean-enriched company’s cesspool, creating a gass-build up, causing our toilets to boil over with butanic bubbles. A spark caused by the plumber’s metal toilet plunger, blew out 40 square meters of sanitary cells, which flooded the basement where the Mysql-server was stationed. Your earlier assessment that what we like to refer to as ‘The world’s most popular open source database’ is rather crappy, turned out to hold more truth than we ourselves expected.

-Support.